A teenager's wonders

I wish I could be a calm and cool person 24/7 . The one who always smile even in a tough condition , the one who hardly to cry . In last two years , I usually confide with the one I trusted and have high spirit .

Since last year , when I try to confide with anyone , I will refuse . I dunno why . I just ... You know they are also human . I don't want them to worry about me . Anyway it's my problem . But when I keep it like that , it become worst .

That why sometimes I can't even control myself . I need to find a way to solve it , how to control myself . I dunno why am I being like this ? I'll feel guilty with sudden , afraid to make bestfriend then crying without acceptable reason . Sometimes I feel it weird .

When I in a primary school , I'm not like this . I would to be alone and never care about others .

Is this they called puberty ? I know I'm a teenager but I miss my old self . I become more weird and worst .

Sometimes I have no problems but I feel like I have one . I think I'm crazy .

But when will this last ? I'm tired being like this . I want to be my old self , no one cares about me and I don't care about anyone .

I keep wondering why even though I know the answers . Maybe I'm immatured . I am too young to experience teenager phase .

When I was a kid , I wish I can be an adult but when I am a teenager , I hope I can turn back time and be a kid forever after .

Everything that happens to me , is not anybody's fault . It's all my fault if it going bad and it is you why is it going fine .

Sometimes I talk to myself ? "Why such a useless person like me still breathing in this world ?"

I'm always wish that I can be better and fix everything but how can that happen ?
Everytime I want to better , the spirit will soon fade away .

But I believe I can change my past in the future . I believe I can be better than I'm now .


When I keep every of it inside of my heart , my heart can't afford it anymore because it's too heavy .. usually I will share it with someone who are strong with high spirit that can keep some of mine .

But I feel sympathy to the person , he/she need to keep mine . No way . I need to keep it myself . Maybe it's unacceptable for my heart , but it will be ok soon , insyaAllah :) .

I want to be brave .
Allah will never burden me with obstacles that I can't overcome with .

I can do it ! :D